Over 1.7 million children in the UK have identified special educational needs (SEN). With the numbers rising every year, around one in five families now care for a child with SEN. My family is one of them.
Life at home looks different from what many would see as typical. My eldest son, Roman, is autistic. He is bright, loving and full of personality, but he experiences the world more intensely than other children.
For example, simple things like visiting somewhere new or a family outing, can be incredibly challenging.
This also affects our wider family. We have a two-year old son who has to adapt too, often without understanding the reasons why. That can leave my husband and me comforting both children, each in different ways.
Roman’s needs vary, and some days are harder than others. Like other parents of disabled children, I’ve learned to adapt constantly and celebrate every step forward.
Alongside being a mum, I work in HR as a business partner. I understand my employment rights, the assistance I’m entitled to, and how to seek support. But some working carers may not have the knowledge or confidence to do the same. For those already stretched, that pressure can take its toll.
When carers are well supported, they are more likely to be present at work and perform well. Without the right provision in place, some might have to change their hours or leave employment altogether.
As both a mum to a disabled child and an HR professional, here are some of the lessons I’ve learned about what good support for carers looks like.
Flexibility is the cornerstone
It starts with genuine flexibility. Not as a one-off adjustment, but as something that evolves as caring needs change. I attend all of Roman’s appointments because my husband’s role requires him to be on site. Adjusted hours have been a game-changer, enabling me to work during periods when Roman needed more support.
That’s made a huge difference. My job doesn’t just allow me to financially support my family; it keeps my mind active, gives me purpose, and a sense of identity. It’s also helped me be the best mum and caregiver I can be for Roman.
A culture of care
In my opinion, there still feels to be stigma around declaring you have a disabled child. Many carers worry they’ll be judged, or seen as less committed. Thankfully, that hasn’t been my story.
The most impactful backing I’ve received has come from my manager and team. We have built a relationship based on trust, where my professionalism and output are recognised, and I feel genuinely valued. That trust means my caring responsibilities can be accommodated without fear of penalty or constant justification.
Because of their reassurance, I feel safe asking for support when I need it. They know I do my best at work and give my all. I’m willing to be flexible and make up the time to ensure I deliver on my responsibilities and contribute to our organisational goals.
Supporting carers doesn’t mean you have to understand every detail of someone’s circumstances. What makes the biggest difference is patience and a willingness to be solution-focused. Simple actions, like checking in or covering meetings, can go a long way.
Policies are important, but confidence to use them even more so
Access to carers’ leave and reasonable adjustments is essential. No colleague should ever feel guilty about using the support available to them – much of it is a legal entitlement. Support works best when policies are clearly communicated and consistently applied. At L&Q, we take this seriously. Our policies are designed to provide clarity and confidence for both managers and colleagues, ensuring everyone understands the support they can access and how to use it.
Peer networks are valuable
I’m lucky to have a close circle of friends, but none of them are raising a child with SEN. Whilst their compassion is heartfelt, their understanding has its limits.
L&Q’s Parent and Carers Network has created a safe space where I feel seen and less alone. It’s building a sense of community, while also providing meaningful feedback to help us improve our policies. Alongside this, access to our Employee Assistance Programme, iMatter events and mental health champions has helped boost my confidence and given me the courage to speak out. I know I am not alone, and I want to spread awareness to ensure others feel the same.
Caring is unpredictable
Caring, particularly for a neurodivergent child, is inherently unpredictable. School calls, appointments, and moments of crisis rarely fit neatly into a planned diary. L&Q’s willingness to accommodate this has allowed me to balance my home responsibilities alongside my role.
Psychological safety grows through normalisation
When carers feel able to be honest about their responsibilities, psychological safety follows. Open communication allows colleagues to understand context, offer practical support, and avoid assumptions about commitment.
Learning as a form of support
Support needn’t stop at flexible hours. Investing in carers’ knowledge is a powerful form of development. Access to expert-led autism training externally gave me practical tools and helped me cope better at home and at work.
Every workplace is full of people carrying invisible responsibilities. Among your colleagues are individuals juggling the demands of their jobs with the complex needs of those they care for at home. When organisations recognise this reality, and respond with empathy and flexibility, carers thrive – both at work and at home.
